In the Netherlands...

Haide and Fardin first presented themselves to the police as undocumented refugees in Rotterdam. They were quickly sent to Ter Apel, a village in the north of the Netherlands. This is a place of hardships and painful memories for Haide. The environment was as noisy, hectic, and tense as could be, filled with others in similar situations. They were moved to another center ten days later, this time to Leiden.

According to Haide, it was a difficult and depressing time in their life. Because the government would not finance the refugee centers, they were 'handed round', center to center, city to city. She says she doesn't want to appear ungrateful, yet nothing about that time of their life brings back joy: barely living on 'frozen ready-made' food, with no money and no semi-permanent place to live, staying in conex boxes with two or three other refugees. Ayoub was also there with them, as she recalls now. They had nothing to make them feel 'alive'. And yet life was brought into that very same refugee center, when Haide found out she was pregnant.

Her recollections of the pregnancy are not the best. After a month of sickness, she was finally referred to a midwife, who informed her of the seriousness of her situation and the risk she and her child were facing, and only then was she admitted to the hospital. 'It all seems normal to us,' the administrators in charge of the refugee facility remarked. 'Your position isn't as awful as you pretend it is.'

They stayed in the refugee facility until it was closed down. 'Next stop' was Katwijk, where they were housed in another refugee center before being sent to Schiphol for interviews. Unlike the other refugees she knew, Haide was unconcerned about the interview, as she was convinced that her documents would substantiate her case. Her biggest complaint was the frequent relocations.

The 'stops' would not end, and they had already traveled more than ever. When they complained that they didn't have enough money to get to Schiphol for the interviews, the officer in charge refused to help, despite the fact that it was his responsibility, and eventually only gave them a 20 euro bill from his pocket, which Haide describes as a domineering gesture that they didn't accept. 'It's all like the mafia,' she says, ‘they will treat you how they see fit'. As a result, when they were no longer liked in Katwijk, they were relocated once more.

Delfzijl was the next destination, a region she describes as 'quite far away' from the place she felt at home the most: Leiden. They had been granted permission to remain in the Netherlands by this point, and all they needed to do now was find their first house in Leiden. This was difficult, as the officials intended to find them a home in the Netherlands' northern region. Finally, they were able to find an apartment in Leiden thanks to Ans’ assistance and became legal residents of the Netherlands. Haide tells me that they had regained respect after this and were now treated like normal people.